Chasing in stilettos :Gwyneth

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This is hard like really hard as this is  the first time I ever said anything about myself. This is going to be raw and sad lol, who am I kidding, it’s going to be awesome and a little unbelievable. I don’t  know where to start, everyone always starts with the good and leave out the bad so I will start with the bad and please stop me when it gets boring and sad.

I get scared and people think I’m some super hero but every super hero has a weakness and a past. My past is not pretty at all- I lost my virginity to a guy 10 years older than me and he was married. I was young and didn’t even know that there was HIV, the only thing I was worried about was I shouldn’t get pregnant. I know it sounds like everyone’s story but that’s  how people drop out of school.

I started drinking at 12 and I blame my cousins from S.A for that. I was living the life every young girl was living except I didn’t have anyone to talk to, my parents lived in a different town, it was 2008 the worst year ever, I wasn’t this strong and confident and I was overweight. I weighed a tonne and I hated myself. I never looked at myself in the mirror for more than two seconds and looked away every time I passed windows or anywhere I could see my reflection.

I was sad and cried a lot and told myself I’m worthless and hated  the fact that I wasn’t dead. My life was pretty much the worst and I hated it  and blamed my Dad for everything. If only he hadn’t left his job to be a farmer I would have learnt at DC and lived in a fancy house and learnt how to drive at 16 but guess I was planning my life forgetting that someone else already knew what would happen to me.

If you not sure whom I talking about its God, it sounds so cliche but it’s the truth. Until I realized I wasn’t alone and had him to talk to, it all fell into place. Trust me my life is not pretty I still struggle with myself and the people around my but I’m finally happy and my  life sucks a lot less now. I got an opportunity to work with Restless development a youth organization that trains young people to be peer educators.

That was my calling, I wasn’t fit for a calling in church but this was my thing, my jam, my movie and definitely something I knew I would always love doing.

It opened doors to YALI, NYWL, SAfAIDS and NUST Choice Champions. I love working with young people getting to know their challenges and looking for solutions.

The thing that inspired me the most was the way people think about societal issues and how young people perceive matters and how our parents or people of the older community think.

It’s like two worlds apart and I’m fascinated by why people think the way they do, why do they follow what the society says and the society can state rules and standards then young people can come up with rules and standards that can lead to positive change towards communities of the generation Y.

My blog is a little personal but I try to look at the story from an angle that no one would and who best can tell my story than me. It raw, truthful and I’m not my most vulnerable.

My journey has not been easy I’m faced with judgement for the things I write, I’m putting myself out there for the world to see and challenge everyone even those with positions that can destroy my life.

I’m scared but now I’m older, wise, brave, and strong and I cry less.

Ancillar has a ridiculous sense of humor and is on a mission not to melt in sunshine city .

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