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We always were

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I thought I had him figured out, but he would turn and surprise me and keeping up with him was hard to do. He wrote not one but several passionate love letters to me.yet I thought after one ;words would cease to exist …he is a firecracker in my heart –he lights my heart up …he laughed when I told him my dreams at 16 and told me to have a little hope .I fell in love with him at thirteen and left him at eighteen and now at twenty I am trying to rekindle that light that once shone so bright for him.

My phone rang at 23:59 on Monday Morning and I let it go to voicemail…

I couldn’t pick it up…

I stared at it for so long wondering how long it had been since we last talked.

I wasn’t that beautiful lily that had fallen madly in love with him .I was a mess now and I had done it all .I remember closing the door on him .Forgetting to set my alarm so the burglar wouldn’t get in…losing my door keys and letting the wind blow the little shreds of clothes that were meant to keep me warm. I had lost the rhythm and the sound of his love for me. I wanted him desperately before it was 00:00 and I was out of time.

Could I answer the call? Will I ever be able to – Let him see the dirty pile of laundry in my laundry bag, two weeks of dishes in my kitchen cabinet and the torn socks I wore all the time . I felt ashamed of all the messages I deleted in class because I felt unworthy of his love.

I picked the call up and invited him for coffee.

I tried to find a clean mug to pour his coffee but instead I found a dirty mug that was stained and I couldn’t clean it .I was out of time. There just wasn’t enough time for me to dash to the store and buy a new one .The bread crumbled under my touch and I desperately wanted to impress him so I let the tears fall.

He didn’t mind the tainted mug, the crumbling bread or the smell of kept trash .he came and embraced me …caressing the cheeks of a broken jar …a dead flower …

He was more than all I ever wanted …he was more than a Carpenter’s son…he was everything I needed.

 

 

 

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