REAL TALK, NO FILTER: MY THEORY OF LOVE

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I remember watching a certain movie and learning something about how the dating world is a game of musical chairs. According to this concept after a certain age all the decent guys and girls are either married, dead or have discovered that they bat for the other team. This means then that after this certain age you will find yourself wanting to be in a stable relationship but unable to get into one because it’s a game of musical chairs and you my friend have been left standing.

I would like to say that this concept does not bother me but, i find myself at the prime of my dating life but everyone seems to be taken in one way or the other. It seems i have been left standing whilst everyone is comfortably seated on their chair and to be honest chairs that looked ragged back in the day are starting to look mighty comfortable. How did i get here you might wonder. I attribute this dilemma to two things. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and my self-awareness. The thing is when everyone started dating i was too busy trying to secure my need for security and all the other things that fall under the need for love as states by Maslow- this translates to i just was not ready. I have never been one to rush into things and i was determined to not be a cliché highschooler who had dated an uncomfortable amount of the stream. For some reason it seemed lorna and Taku could love each other deeply this month but love other people deeply the next month- that’s a lot “Days of Our Lives”. So somewhere in-between caution and a lack of need for love and affiliation i missed the first few rounds of the song. I was left standing and yet i did not feel the need to join the party.

Then came my second reason for being. I do not mean to brag but i know my worth. I  do not mean this in the monetary value gold digger kind of way but more in the i know what i want and what i deserve goal digger kind of way. I have been told that my standards are a little to high but the thing is i feel a lot of our standards are not high enough. Why should i go to all the trouble of working hard and making something of myself only to end up with someone who will tear down all my hard work because well though sparks flew when we are together our values are way too different, and i am not in the business of trying change people’s nature. Maybe i have this all wrong but there seems to be a culture going around like a cold in the winter. According to this culture, as long as you are attracted to someone you should give a relationship with them a try, despite your differences in opinions concerning what fundamentally makes you, you. This follow your heart culture where, if you love someone then you should be meant to be. Call me crazy but if i had dated everyone my heart beat for i think i would have made for another damaged soul on this planet. My aunt always used to say that when choosing to be with someone whether it is this casual fling culture that has swept the planet or the apparently less respectable serious stuff (because these days normal respectable relationships are so last century) make room for what would happen if for some reason you had to spend the rest of my life with this significant or insignificant other or even dare i say it fall in love with them.

So here i am. At a certain age watching my friends and family find love. Some finding it in a hopeless place. I can’t help but wonder if my theory of love was somewhat misguided. On paper it seemed pretty water tight but in essence it seems like begging to die alone. I know what you are gonna say. Patience is a virtue blah blah. I have heard it all before. I have even heard the whole your single years are the best time to learn how to be single . I feel very learned and the music has stopped playing. I’m not desperate but i can’t help but wonder if the chair i am supposed to be sitting on is the one on front of me or the one next door or maybe it is the almost ex who never seems to stop hanging around despite the fact that we almost were but couldn’t be and we have both moved on.

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