Silenced, Stressed Up, Suicidal & Saved

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It was a sunny afternoon in late summer when it all began, the day had started off as any other :I had just finished my lunch (rice and beef ) ,I was tweeting up a storm ( maybe in my mind ) ,and I am sure you probably thinking what could have possibly happened on this Thursday afternoon. To most people it could possibly be just another slow boring day but to me it was the day that my life would take a turn for the worst.

I have always been a victim of bullies but never thought I would become a victim of cyber bulling .However, that all changed three weeks ago and quickly became weeks of relentless harassment .I was being harassed by a woman I had never met before who claimed I was having an affair with her husband (sigh) . Yes I knew her husband but I had never an ounce of feeling and to make matters worse had never laid my hazel eyes on him ever.

She took pleasure in playing mind games with me because she could hid behind the number I could not identify and the dirt she had on me and she basically didn’t care what she said or how I felt. When you are a victim of a mean person that can easily harass you and hide behind a brick wall you become powerless.

I was on top of the world ,had a great internship ,did well in my school work and  my blog was doing pretty good for a small thing but no matter how much confidence my friends instilled in me ,I felt conflicted about what to do and how to feel about the whole situation. However ,I was bothered by what they said .I cried multiple times in the work bathroom ,in the Kombi going home and in my room .I questioned my value as a person .I didn’t know when the next attack would be .Sometimes I wanted to kill myself because I was tired of this woman torments .

No matter how much you try with a bully to not be affected, the situation will eventually consume you. I began to accept the attacks as a daily routine .I did almost succeed in killing myself but guess this chapter in this world wasn’t done. I remember scribbling somewhere that:

“She called again .I think my stomach did a back flip (is that even possible) and tears welled up in my eyes again and I just let them flow .I can’t breathe .Will she ever stop”.

I found myself staring at my phone every time it rang and I would find myself hearing her voice repeatedly threatening to ruin my life, my reputation and my work

“I am always left shaken after the calls and drenched in perspiration, I stay rooted in the same place out of fear”

I started experiencing PTSD (The symptoms), I suffer extremely vivid flashbacks of her calls, her laughs and her threats. I then realized that I needed to get help. Getting help is a process and don’t become a victim of a bully –Get up and let go of the hurt.

I encourage you all to not be a victim but to get help if you are a victim of cyber bullying or harassment .Get connected to the right people .You matter and God placed you in this world for a reason –no one has the right to make you want to take it away before your time is due. Don’t hesitate to reach out for help and above all pray (there is a peace that only comes from God).

 

 

 

 

 

Ancillar has a ridiculous sense of humor and is on a mission not to melt in sunshine city .

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